Adam had dental surgery this week and I’ve caught a cold. As we’ve both been recuperating on opposite ends of the couch — me with my copy of Betty , The Fountain of Age, and Adam with his iPad — I’ve been thinking what I saw at IMFAR and what I read on Facebook, and all the articles I read about autism. All that fretting and advice on what to do and what not to do, parents can drown in this stuff.
I offer a small insight to keep us afloat.
One of the sessions at IMFAR was about how the use of computers is bad for autistic children because it takes away from socialization. We seem to really fret about keeping our children engaged all of the time, and we particularly target the autistic ones. This post is about just letting things be some of the time. As I tell everyone these days, we are “normally autistic” around here.
During our last two days on the couch, Adam keeps checking in on me. He smiles, he tells me his ears and mouth hurt (his words). In between watching meaningless movies to eat up the hours, and when I have the energy to re-read Betty’s take on the media’s representation of the ageing population as a “burden” (ugh), I’m watching Adam and how he uses all this free time.
He’s cuddly, he has watched a few meaningless videos, tutorials on YouTube on the game Mindcraft, and he has been making up his own words on his iPad — “hotgod,” and “iceswim,” among others. He’s checked out his math programs, and tries hard, without my prodding, to draw shapes on it (he is particularly challenged with fine motor here unless he uses a weighted pencil). My child who required supported communication and who was once “a sight reader,” now spells phonetically and types independently. My child who has limited verbal ability can navigate Mindcraft and the Web. My child who “needs to be engaged all the time,” has used his time, well, pretty much the way I have.
I wish I could remember my own words and thoughts when the world beats in and makes me fret that I’m never doing enough for him, just because he’s autistic.