Where I left off..let me say a few words

Filed Under (Adam, Communication, Estee) by Estee on 08-11-2013

Hmmm, let me see, where do I need to begin again? I am in the mood to just tell you where I last left this blog off, between finishing my MRP, changing Adam’s school and off to the PhD races. I can already see where this will try to pull me in many directions but Adam keeps me focused. He types on his own, but he also increases his spoken words. He is not cured of autism just because he is gaining these skills. It simply represents (if I can use that word) that coming to words, no matter how many or few, is different for all of us. Progress is not linear and I’m skeptical of progress. In terms of the human body, it changes over time. That’s about it.

Focusing on words, despite the fact that I write and defer to them all the time, remains tenuous – open to interpretation. Words are both important in this verbose culture, one where David Abram might say we are conditioned to speech (alas unaware of nature around us and our other senses) whereas Adam and others may be more attuned. If I say that, I am walking a tightrope – I wish to avoid sensationalizing “autistic” skill. Could it be there is a space in between words that we are ignoring more than ever before? Don’t we all tend to say that we live in a world where we feel more disconnected? How ironic the term automatic/automatism/autism; I get up, get in my car behind glass and these actions are automatic and required for work. People honk horns, illustrating a passive aggressive irritation – with other human beings – that may dissolve without the glass, behind computer screens. By stating my observation, I am speaking my hope. This doesn’t have to be, “just the way it is.” We can rethink the way we form relationships and community.

Words are what Adam learns in school, what we teach him through typing, reading. He is strongly attracted to words; he owns that hyperLEXIC label. We find it hard to find the right lexicon to describe our lives within a paradigm of normality, alas devoted to speech. We cannot see the forest for the trees; we are too busy building roads and computerized devices. We are busy proving our minds… and our reason.

Still, Adam is happier. He is being educated in a “real” school, and that only happens with those willing to accept that he still needs a person to help him navigate spaces, other bodies…a deluge of words coming at him in the forms of conversations and instructions. He is with other kids, and he gets to learn. This makes him happy. He directs when he needs to be with others and when he needs his space, and he learns to translate what he knows into the words we need for proof. And I, in a PhD program, must combine lots of words to put to this, in an attempt to move beyond them. In the meantime, I always feel full when Adam is around and there are few words between us. I seem to understand so much about his meaning, and he mine. Silence is full.

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About Me


ESTÉE KLAR

I’m a PhD candidate at York University, Critical Disability Studies, with a multi-disciplinary background in the arts as a curator and writer. I am the Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project (www.taaproject.com), and an enamoured mother of my only son who lives with the autism label. I like to write about our journey, critical issues regarding autism in the area of human rights, law, and social justice, as well as reflexive practices in (auto)ethnographic writing about autism.