Filed Under (Parenting) by Estee on 21-06-2013

Adam’s twitching has not fully abated and he was up all night…not something we’ve seen to this level for over three years now. He seems to be happier and I am working on keeping him calm – and there’s people who also help me to do that. I think I’m doing the best I can as a single parent and how it forces me to never give up, call out for support, and stay persistent in asking for help because I realize not everyone knows what kinds of help we all need, or even how to help. I know this is not exclusive to women or single mothers, but to single fathers and married couples too. Yet I speak from where I stand today.

I never realized the extent to which this would be a challenge, not Adam per se, but being a mother alone in the middle of the night without anyone to talk to takes a toll on me; having to ask for help, or the right questions, in so many different ways. You have to stop caring what people think of you and go on for the sake of your child because we need as much information as possible. This takes a lot of time. As I care for Adam, it is often difficult to remember to take care of myself. I am thankful for my parents who help both Adam’s father and I out; they are exceptional grandparents and I can’t emphasize enough how important grandparents are! Adam’s extended family is helpful too and although it is hard to let my child go, I know that people’s intentions are for him and to support him, and I’m thankful for everyone involved. I am so tired today but I don’t want to forget to thank people who extend themselves to support us.

Adam’s basement is being repaired – a major renovation. On top of everything I live with a reno which takes its own toll of drilling while I’m trying to get things done…I also have a sensitive sensory system where noise is concerned…so it feels like a dentist drill to me. Yet I am also grateful for it getting done so quickly. Everyone is concerned for Adam to get everything back in place as quickly as possible.

Being on our own – no matter who we are – makes the generosity of others so apparent. My mother sent over a thermos of special tea just for me. That seemed to me like such a loving gesture that I almost cried. It’s exactly what I needed – a mother needing some mothering. I drink now to get my strength back, to give back to Adam the mother he needs.

Speaking of which…Adam will soon today be Uncle Adam. His half-sister will also soon be a mother, perhaps a sleepless one for a while. Mazel tov, dear mothers (and fathers and grandparents too)!

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About Me


I’m a PhD candidate at York University, Critical Disability Studies, with a multi-disciplinary background in the arts as a curator and writer. I am the Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project (, and an enamoured mother of my only son who lives with the autism label. I like to write about our journey, critical issues regarding autism in the area of human rights, law, and social justice, as well as reflexive practices in (auto)ethnographic writing about autism.