An Autistic Boy’s Life is Not A Paragraph

Filed Under (Anxiety, Books, Development, Parenting, Transitions) by Estee on 12-06-2013

Adam has progressively better days since the basement flood and croup. When he seems anxious or derailed by life events I quickly engage everyone on Adam’s team – what has worked well for him is more predictability, gentle voices, activity including sports and sensory support that befits him. All I have to do is write things down and Adam reads lists and stories for me. Countdowns work, clocks and the like. It’s important to set the time aside and concentrate on him until he feels better (and this makes me obviously feel better too). And while I’ve been bemoaning the loss of his cherub cheeks for quite some time now, puberty has officially begun. I can see it emerging as cherub cheeks turn in to pimply ones. It just really hit me this evening how much he suddenly changed. It seems as if the last two weeks have presented us with a lot and although I knew this day would come, I’m feeling a little strange about it, like, poof…the childhood is now officially gone. Of course, the transition is longer, but sometimes the way we view things seems so hyper-real. I’ve heard that boys stay close to their mothers, and while I’m really cognizant of him needing to spread his wings and be a boy, a teenager, a man, I still hope he will indulge my affections.

I picked a book up about boy’s development the other day. I scoured a few to read what boys his age go through. Of course, these are supposed to be boys with typical skills, but I still found it so relevant in terms of body development and feelings. I want to support Adam into his teenage will (and whatever else comes with it). When I looked for “autism” in the index, I was surprised, actually, to see a reference. I flipped to the page, situated in the first third of the book, and read the “warning;” that is, the “negative” things that a boy may not develop which might indicate autism. I was disappointed if not bored (while I considered new parents paralyzed with fear). I mean, when will autism be included in the long life development model that I need to read, and not as a blurb or a warning in a paragraph?

Adam’s life is not a paragraph. It doesn’t necessarily belong to the “special” boys category of books, either. It is a long, developmental line (and hopefully life) and he feels and just like other boys feel, and sure, then some. It would be great to acknowledge all boys, not matter what their label, integrated within the context of a full and whole boyhood – to include the ways that all kinds of boys may experience their bodies and feelings. Yet, autistic boys get books on different shelves (if we get any at all outside of Jessica Kingsley). Maybe we should simply ask that our boys getting written in.

Comments:

Post a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

ads
ads
ads
ads

About Me


ESTÉE KLAR

I’m a PhD candidate at York University, Critical Disability Studies, with a multi-disciplinary background in the arts as a curator and writer. I am the Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project (www.taaproject.com), and an enamoured mother of my only son who lives with the autism label. I like to write about our journey, critical issues regarding autism in the area of human rights, law, and social justice, as well as reflexive practices in (auto)ethnographic writing about autism.