It’s So Nice To Have This Time Together

Filed Under (Acceptance) by Estee on 29-12-2011

It is that time of year again when Adam and I spend a bit of time in Florida. Now a single parent, I get to spend a long stretch of time alone with him. There was a time that we spent this period as a family. I am no longer a part of that family and I am okay with it. As the perspective story goes, what we think of as unlucky, can end up as lucky. All we have to do is wait and see. Someone reminded me recently that I have received everything I have ever wanted: love, a family, friends and my child.

The past several years, I’ve been coming down to Florida alone with Adam; my parents often accompanying me for support. I didn’t feel I needed it this year. I am happy in life, now nearly four years away from separation and divorce. Over these years, I’ve taken on some guilt when I’ve had to be away from Adam. I’ve also felt loneliness when he leaves for his dad’s place. I’ve had to learn to accept my circumstances, and recreate a life for myself, and for both of us.

It’s hard to replace a man in the pool, though. I threw Adam into the air, not as high. My shoulders are paying the price. We have lots of fun, but I am not a man; I am not one of his strong brothers, friends, my boyfriend, grandfathers, or father who can toss him effortlessly. I am just his mother — the one he runs to and wants to cling to, here, on vacation. He seemed to accept my shortcomings in the pool. He was laughing at me and then wanted me to teach him how to do a somersault. It is nice to have this time together.

As the sun set over the ocean’s horizon yesterday, Adam sat contentedly in my lap, my arms around him. We sat for a long time and my usually active child just wanted me to hold him as we both looked out to sea. I dug my bare feet in the cool sand, and finally found them, as Adam’s mother, and his family.

Comments:

Post a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

ads
ads
ads
ads

About Me


ESTÉE KLAR

I’m a PhD candidate at York University, Critical Disability Studies, with a multi-disciplinary background in the arts as a curator and writer. I am the Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project (www.taaproject.com), and an enamoured mother of my only son who lives with the autism label. I like to write about our journey, critical issues regarding autism in the area of human rights, law, and social justice, as well as reflexive practices in (auto)ethnographic writing about autism.