New Behaviour
Filed Under (Adam, Autism and Learning, Behaviours, Inclusion, Sensory Differences, Sleep, Transitions) by Estee on 04-02-2011
We talk often in autism about a dissonance of skills and “uneven learning.” It’s an easy thing to notice or say, but it doesn’t seem that easy to accommodate. Not easy, because we still have the expectation that an autisitic person must respond typically.
Adam has had quite the transitional year. He has gone through parental separation, moved to a new home with me and started a new school where the expectation is that he sits at a desk. His sleep has worsened, and his avoidant behaviour in doing certain “tasks” has begun. And yet, my Adam is talking in full sentences more often, is telling me how he feels, and can play a mean “reciprocal” game of I Spy with me. He can draw well (if given the chance) with perspective that is more sophisticated than his same aged-peers, even if his motor planning, that is line, is not as sure and resolute.
I have to say that when someone talks to me about Adam’s “behaviour” I do think in the old-fashioned sense that he is not behaving “well,” as opposed to looking at what’s causing the behaviour. It still pops up from time to time, and I am concerned that implicating behaviour is a way to not only blame Adam, but put an expectation and onus on him that is not fair. That is but one legacy that ABA left behind, although I’m not commenting on some of the methods used by the practice as part of an overall pedagogy. I bribe him a lot to get things done.
Adam needs physicality, lots of movement, interesting content, and a chance to respond more by typing. He needs more preparation, I believe, to start his day, and a different kind of structure in it. What I mean is, by 2 p.m., the boy is tired. I am still trying to figure out what that structure should look like as I orchestrate new programs and activity in his life. Because, Adam is no longer a baby. He will be turning nine this April.
It seems to me that we are learning about how autistic children learn, or at least I’m learning everyday. My process of learning about Adam and trying to work with his team of teachers and supporters never ends. Sometimes, I sit and stare at the wall, I admit, and wonder why we still haven’t figured this out. Maybe I was secretly hoping we would have by now.
I’ve hit the books again. I’m watching Adam closely as he has trouble falling asleep at night. I watch my own responses to him when I feel tired and frustrated. And one thing that surprises me is that I still am not giving up. I don’t want to blame Adam for being autistic. I want so badly to support him and to have support. I am still trying to articulate what accommodation really means for him. I am constantly evolving my attitude, and behaviour, towards him.
Soon Adam will have an aide who will take him into the community, to help him be a part of it, make friends, take theatre classes and go skiing (he starts next week!). I hope to get him into Special Olympics and keep working with those who have helped us along the way. It is clear we don’t have all the answers yet. But if you have some success stories to share, we’d sure appreciate them.
ESTÉE KLAR
Hi Esther. I don’t know exactly where you’re located in Canada, but I’d look for the Hanen Centre in Toronto, they have some great training programs for parents of kids with autism (more focused on language and social skills).
I can relate to a lot of what you are going through with Adam. It is very important to understand the source of their frustrations and behaviors, and not get angry or mad at them for something they can’t help feeling, but at the same time we have to work towards improving some of their responses to undesirable events or other triggers of those inappropriate behaviors. Because while we, as parents, are tolerant and understanding, the same can’t always be said for same-age peers, teachers, or strangers you meet out in the community.
In our case we work mostly with ABA. My seven-year-old goes to a regular 1st grade classroom with an aide (from the ABA program). Academically he’s doing great, but he has inappropriate behaviors like for example always wanting to be first on everything and having tantrums when he doesn’t get his way, so the ABA team and I are always trying to come up with strategies to avoid any disruptive behaviors, mostly with positive reinforcement, and many times it’s worked. It’s just that new behaviors and challenges come after you’ve conquered a previous one. We’ve had ups and downs since Kindergarten. Some teachers and principals are great to work with, others not so much.
His speech therapist has a more play-based approach, and works a lot on pretend play skills.
He also gets social skills therapy with a group of 7 boys supervised by a speech therapist at a clinic.
Our children, no matter how old, teach us so much every day. Just when you think you have figured things out, they say or do something to throw you off. Frustrating, yet, at the end of a day you would not give up the experience for anything.
I thank my children for making me a better person, and for teaching me to understand myself like I never would without them. How fortunate you are to have Adam to do the same!
Hi Leila,
Yes we did the Hanen program very early on. If you read my blog (which started in 2005 — you can link to all of 800 pages …sorry… on the right margin), we did a lot of what you speak of here.
I’m about to write a new post on what can happen to a mother’s mind in a day with lots of communication with those who work with Adam and lots of non ABA and some ABA strategy. For Adam, as with most autistic people, if we all listen to what autistic people say as well which helps with all of this, much “behaviour” is due to our inability to listen to their communication, frustration in not being able to communicate effectively, that is, in a typical way.
No matter what method one is trying, and I say this because not one of them is the Holy Grail, we have to learn how autistic people learn, feel and how to accommodate each individual child uniquely.
Like Tanya just said, just when you think you have things figured out, all children will change. Not just autistic children.
In just a day, I’ve been able to meditate on this and see my child a little more clearly. I really think that thoughts and attitude can effect so much.
I was told early on (Adam was dx’d in 2003), that this is a “marathon, not a sprint.” I scoffed at that line at the dawn of a new fear, that fear that my child wasn’t going to be like “other children.” Now, that motto runs through my head everyday in such a different way. Not in a way that I have to cure Adam, but that my lfie is about listening in ways I never imagined I would have to. When I’m really alert to it, I realize that I’m probably really blessed. I can’t take any part of my child’s life for granted.
One thing to keep in mind is that most non-autistic children exhibit certain “behaviours” when they go through similar life changes that Adam has been through recently. It is not easy for *any* child to go through parental separation or divorce, moving to a new home and a new school. People need to stop blaming the autism and look at the bigger picture. Unfortunately, supporters of ABA choose only to look at behaviour and not use common sense to try and find out why the behaviour is occurring.
Behaviour is only a reaction to something else. A person on the outside can’t always see that something else and so he or she must use their empathy to try and figure it out. This is why I often say that people on the autism spectrum are not the only ones supposedly lacking in the concept of “Theory of Mind”. NT’s seem to have just as big a problem using their “naturally occurring empathy” to understand what torments might be causing that “bad autistic behaviour”.
A little boy … any little boy… going through several huge life events is going to exhibit some “behaviours” because that is what human beings do when exposed to a lot of stress. Add the internal stress an autistic child already has to face because of the neurological difference, and any life change or stress will compound things and make it even worse for them.
I often think that the fact that every autistic child and adult isn’t having meltdowns every 5 minutes in this overstimulating, unaccommodating and uncompassionate (to their needs as autistics) world that is imposed on them demonstrates just how amazingly resilient they are!
I like what you say when you say “I can’t take any part of my child’s life for granted.”
Amen.
My son Gage is 6, and I too have been trying to learn how he learns. He has been pushed out of special education because he can read on a 4th grade level, so he must be ok? This whole year of kindergarten has been a waste, because he hasn’t had anyone to aid him, just thrown in sink or swim. When I addressed the school about putting him back in specials, I was assured that his regular ed teacher could handle it, but he has not flourished, only kept his head above water. I envy all the resourses you talk about in Canada, I am in Texas, and can find very few.
i teach a class with students with Autism – I just wanted to agree that all students have different learning styles, and if one of my students is not making improvements, or is having extreme behaviors, then I am doing something wrong and I must figure out what it is and change. This philosophy has proven correct with countless examples form my class. I am not saying that my students (who are in middle school) are not taught to be responsible for their own learning and behaviors, but if I cannot communicate that to them and keep them engaged then, again, I am doing something wrong and must change. I am not someone that blames myself for everything. I am actually quite confident in who I am and what I do, but I do believe that as a teacher it is my responsible to do what I can to help my students succeed. I hope the teachers that are teaching Adam have a similar philosophy and understand that he needs individualized teaching as much as he needs movement and social interaction.