The Final Countdown

Filed Under (autism, To Get To The Other Side) by Estee on 09-02-2010

It’s the final countdown. Adam and I will move in several days. I’ve written a lot about it. Tomorrow Adam sees the neurologist. Last Saturday Temple Grandin’s story was aired on HBO. It all reminds me of Adam’s anxiety and how I found him two nights ago in his underwear drawer (closed) in a fetal position at 5:30 in the morning. The change is very big for such a little guy.

It manifests in his senses. I think his body jerks and desire to be in tight dark places have a lot to do with change and his parent’s separation. I certainly believe my little boy is telling me how he feels without words.

I really believe it. It’s why it makes me a bit frustrated that people think that autistic behaviour is “abnormal.” What’s the difference between a neurotypuical child who tantrums versus an autistic child who can’t tell me that he’s confused but seeks a drawer to find security?

Without words, Adam speaks volumes.

All I can say is that I look forward to putting some security/regularity back into Adam’s life (and mine). By next week I shall be posting from our new home.

Please wish us luck.

Of course I heard this song on the radio today transporting stuff from one house to another in my car:


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About Me


I’m a PhD candidate at York University, Critical Disability Studies, with a multi-disciplinary background in the arts as a curator and writer. I am the Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project (, and an enamoured mother of my only son who lives with the autism label. I like to write about our journey, critical issues regarding autism in the area of human rights, law, and social justice, as well as reflexive practices in (auto)ethnographic writing about autism.