Estée KlarThe Joy of Autism

You must have known this was coming. My post-Halloween cooing over the love of my life. Every year is just a great big new point at which we can re-evaluate with awe how far we’ve come. We are all so interested in measurements of all sorts and I suppose we all take some comfort in it while we can. At the same time many of us despise measures that lead to exclusion and prejudiced acts by others towards us or those we love. But if my photo albums of Adam since birth aren’t some kind of measure, I don’t know what they are. They are the delightful kind.

Holidays like Halloween, New Year’s, birthdays and Xmas are all markation points. When it comes to our kids, we remember Halloweens-gone-past, and we all keep photos of each year’s costumes. Adam is still young enough that I remember his first hand-made bunny costume sewn meticulously by his grandmother. I remember the successful “Alphabet Boy” costume I made him two years ago. I had not-so-meticulously sewn Adam’s favorite letters onto old clothes. Last year, Adam had requested that he be a Cowboy. This year, I was an impatient mother and chose Adam’s costume for him as he likes the word Jack ‘o Latern, so I assumed that my rushed act of choosing his costume would be okay.

At 5:45 p.m. the dressing started. I called Adam into the kitchen and held a mirror so he could see the eyeliner pencil I hurriedly used on his face which he tolerated, but didn’t love — he squeezed his eyes and curled his lips as the pencil ran around them. Yet, he seemed intrigued enough to let me finish by watching his face transform in the mirror. Then, I found an orange pair of track pants, asked him to put them on and then proceeded to squeeze him into the plump orange sphere. He received an orange hat to match with a cute little green stem to top it all off. I took him to the closet mirror where he studied himself a little grumpily. He cinched his face a few times, watching the makeup move with his face and then suddenly turned to me:

“I want to be a cowboy,” he said.

One full-out clear sentence. Remember, my little guy is not fully verbal. He really struggles with communication. Not only was this sentence perfectly articulated, he was also a little pissed off. He clearly did not like his pumpkin costume that I had arrogantly chose for him. And yet, in Adam’s own seven-year-old gracious way, he accepted it. Mama was in a hurry and he was not about to argue much more than shoot towards me a few angry Adam-style eyes (which means even Adam’s anger is sweet).

“Let’s go, let’s go Adam,” I said with a dressed-up enthusiasm. It was exactly six o’clock and the sun had just set. Did I say I had to leave in order go to the Giller Prize finalist readings by 7:15?? You see, I wasn’t expecting what was to come. I thought that our trick and treating would last about two homes based on past Halloweens. When Adam was first out a few years ago, he assumed that he could enter every home we approached. And when he could not, he became upset. By his second “active” Halloween as “Alphabet Boy” he really enjoyed staying home and handing out the candies to the other kids. In the Year of the Cowboy he was not so enthused and didn’t want to go to any homes save for an entertaining one up the street — that ONE home in every neighbourhood that’s totally over-the-top awesome.

This year was a different matter. We went out. I taught him how to ring the bell on his own as I slowly stepped a little further and further back each time because Adam didn’t show any resistance at all to approaching the homes in our neighbourhood. I showed him how to hold out his Jack-O-Lantern bucket and say “trick or treat” and “thank you.” I told him to pick the homes with only the pumpkins and decorations at the front. And then he didn’t want to stop. From house to house we went and while I was ecstatic (which begs the question why we parents are so bloody obsessed with our kids enjoying this silly holiday) that he was enjoying himself (ah, that’s why), I kept looking at my watch! Why oh why did I have to go to some event on Halloween!?? Not this Halloween!

But that’s how it always works, doesn’t it? It usually happens when we are simply not expecting it to happen. And thankfully, Adam’s bucket was full by 7:15. Mine, as always because of him, was overflowing.

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