Follow Thy Heart

Filed Under (Uncategorized) by Estee on 11-10-2009

I’m sure I’m not the only one on a weekend checking in with so many old friends on Facebook. And I’ve made new ones too through my work in autism and writing. And so I feel a bit of like a divorced cliche — I’m checking in with my past to re-discover who I am. Please don’t blame me — it’s kind of like my marathon running these days — no matter what we do when we get divorced, pretty much everything we do becomes a cliche. Heck, we just can’t help ourselves! I just prefer to go at it with a bit of humour, but also a positive outlook. There is a reason why we have to run marathons and cross new finish lines.

Don’t get me wrong, all this talk on grieving and looking back, you’d think I was still sad or something.  I’m not other than what’s beyond the usual healing process. I’m simply moving on, very philosophical and looking at where I’ve been and thinking of where I’m going, now, with my little guy.  These posts since I’ve archived the older Joy of Autism blog (see side margin) are much about growth and moving on. It’s why I’ll be starting a second blog in this site soon — so I can keep the focus on autism for those of you who just want to read about that, and then another blog which is just more of what I love to do, which is to write about pretty much everything.

Facebook has been a great tool for advancing The Autism Acceptance Project (I’m also working on changing this site), and keeping in touch. I’ve actually had a real-life, face-to-face conversation with some of my old friends who have reconnected with me through Facebook. Imagine that? Coming out from behind the screen!

As long as the tool enables communication but also connection beyond the screen, I like it, but I admit to “checking in” with people on Facebook and Twitter just to feel connected.  My blackberry just went down today, and I can imagine how many messages I am missing!! I’m not connected!  A girlfriend actually CALLED me yesterday (remember that old fashioned telephone thing?) instead of emailing me, ON PURPOSE. Some of us are recognizing that it’s pretty important to hear that other voice on the end of the line.  But for every complaint, there is a blessing. Mine is reconnecting with old friends where the phonebook became out-of-date and Canada411 couldn’t find them for their changed names.

One of my high school girlfriends sent me these today ON FACEBOOK…more photos of the Estee-gone-by… as Hodel from Fiddler on The Roof (might that have been a prediction of Catholic girl turning into stubborn Jewish girl?) and Ethel Tofflemeyer in The Music Man. These were classic high school days where I spent nearly all my days rehearsing and performing. It was my real passion back in the day and where the enduring friendships were made.  And I look at that really young girl and realize that she was whole back then and she didn’t know it. She knew what she wanted and she went for it, even though she thought she wanted more. Before boyfriends and husbands, she did what she really wanted to do.

And today, it is the girl I admire the most and the fondest of all my memories, with the exception of Adam’s birth.  The girl who makes me remember what’s really important for her.  When I look at Adam, and even many adults, I also remember just how precious a young heart is. It also reminds me to encourage Adam to follow his own heart. There is a reason, I suppose, for having memories.

As Hodel in Fiddler on the Roof -- the train station scene where a stubborn daughter leaves her loving father to do what she has to do. She has to break with tradition!

As Hodel in Fiddler on the Roof -- the train station scene where a stubborn daughter leaves her loving father to do what she has to do. She has to break with tradition!

Lisa, my friend who sent me this ol' pics front and centre. I'm on left in The Music Man.

Lisa, my friend who sent me this ol' pics front and centre. I'm on left in The Music Man.



Michel, an old band-mate front and centre. I am in background on right.

Michel, an old band-mate front and centre. I am in background on right.

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About Me


ESTÉE KLAR

I’m a PhD candidate at York University, Critical Disability Studies, with a multi-disciplinary background in the arts as a curator and writer. I am the Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project (www.taaproject.com), and an enamoured mother of my only son who lives with the autism label. I like to write about our journey, critical issues regarding autism in the area of human rights, law, and social justice, as well as reflexive practices in (auto)ethnographic writing about autism.