This off-topic, and I apologize, but I wanted to address this comment:
“I sat at my son’s IEP (was fighting for more mainstreaming time with support as he is high functioning and needs that ‘real world’ experience, negotiating the real world…)”

I went through that last year. My son in question is not perceived as high-functioning (by which I mean he doesn’t speak or demonstrate his thoughts consistently), but I still wanted him to get more mainstream time. I suggested they invite a “regular” kid to visit Alex in his CD classroom, and they went with the idea. It became a treat for the other students to get to be the one who got to visit Alex. The whole thing was such a success that this year he’s getting more time in the mainstream classroom.

Perhaps meeting them half-way in a non-traditional way will get you more cooperation. It’s not likely that they’ll think of such a solution, but they might go with it if you propose an alternative.

I haven’t kept up with the Travolta’s story. I’ve never felt it was particularly appropriate to dig into the personal lives of celebrities.

But, I definitely agree the choice is up to the family. For us, the choice is also to be “out,” though I admit I’ve never thought of it that way. We’re honest. If people have expectations that are unrealistic, we briefly tell them why they’re not realistic and leave it at that. It’s our choice to be open and honest.

Other families want more privacy, and they should be entitled to that. Other people want acceptance, without any need for labels. That’s okay, too.

In the case of the Travolta family, they face a situation most of us don’t. They’re going to have people in their personal matters whether they cooperate or not. I imagine if I were in that situation I would be more protective of my family and any labels that might be attached to them, too.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that by advocating for respect we have to give respect in return. Everyone is different, which also means they’re going to make the same choices. We deny that if we demand others to make the same choices we would make.

Autism IMO is a DISABILITY, it’s not a difference, it’s not a “cutsie” club that ignores the realities of the spectrum. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy my children. That doesn’t mean we don’t go to swimming lessons or karate lessons, or library programs, or…… The Gr 3′s have signed up willingly to play on the little kid’s side where there’s a fence with my youngest. There is no fear of him, they like to play with him, and they will be taking turns. He’s a runner unfortunately, so he has to stay in the fenced in area for now.

Activism has it’s place. But the Hub and ASAN want to ignore the fact that the more severe end of the spectrum exists – “just give them more services”. “Those autistics that harm others are not autistic”, Ari’s latest news release says they shouldn’t have to use social niceties… http://autismgadfly.blogspot.com/2009/09/ari-neeman-gives-input-on-autistics-in.html I’m sorry, but society has rules, and even Autistics have to learn to live with them. And, contrary what he may claim…. they can learn appopriate behaviour/social skills. They ignore the negatives and those that are diffent from them as well. They do as much harm IMO as Autism Speaks does but focusing on the negative. But I do appreciate that atleast someone does.

I also don’t pretend to understand other people’s families, their motivations, their issues…. IMO they are entitled to feel what they feel and do what they feel is correct for them and theirs.

You used the word “compassion”. During the AS spat I used it too… Compassion is simply realizing that your world is not someone elses. It means to offer a hand up, not a slap at. It’s something I’ve seen little in the Hub, ASAN land of late… Autism Speaks… well, they are, what they are.

Thanks for writing here and on my Facebook page. That set sounds amazing. It’s lovely when we have these positive experiences that keep us fueled, it seems, for a lifetime.

They looked at me like I was nuts, or just a “naive parent who doesn’t know better.”

Also – I worked with John’s brother, Joey, on a film this past Spring. Joey has a production company called “Inclusion Films” whose purpose is to empower people with special needs to learn film making skills so they can get jobs in the entertainment industry.

The film set was like Utopia to me. Everyone was respectful, everyone did their jobs without complaining – we all had a great time. After a while we all forgot “oh, that is a special needs person” or “that is a ‘normal’ person” we were all simply people collaborating, together.

We parents with children on the Spectrum need to advocate wherever and however we are best suited. Sometimes, we put the mantel down for a bit… and know others will scoop it up and carry on. I can’t stop now, I feel like every child on the Spectrum is my child.

Thanks for writing, Estee.