Super Boy
Filed Under (Adam, Development) by Estee on 11-08-2009
I take a moment to talk about Adam, which I do so little of lately. He has been the inspiration for this blog and all my thinking and rethinking about autism.
He deserves a great deal of kudos for turning minds around. He goes to camp and he can make everyone laugh and smile. He comes home at the end of the day, and I am told that everyone loves him. His smile can brighten an entire room. Often, I am given credit for this, but it takes two. He was born with the affable disposition. Yet, I do often wonder how, if I’d kept him behind those closed ABA doors (the style of ABA at the time of Adam’s early instruction), if he would have remained his true self. It is a question I’m sure all parents ask themselves, and there is even a book out which follows children with various backgrounds to adulthood:
Fragile Success
Ten Autistic Children, Childhood to Adulthood, Second Edition
By Virginia Walker Sperry, M.A.
It seems like an interesting attempt at trying to create proof, to distill what makes an autistic person “successful” in life, yet success is also in how we measure it.
I, for one, have measures that seem more akin to a revolution that’s happening right now. My measure may be more along the lines of those who reconsider behavioural economics — a movement away from growth (the thinking that image and objects will make us happier) to the things we do and the way we think that make us happy. Like all parents, I want Adam to be happy. I want him to learn. I want him to learn discipline without losing his joie de vivre. I want him to want things in life that will make him happy. So far, I think we’ve been successful. He has a natural wonder and curiousity. He still has difficulty with speaking, but he tries hard to string his words together. His drive often amazes me. I do not think the word failure is in our vocabulary.
I do not know if we can measure what makes autistic children become “successful” autistic adults. Like all of us, we are born with personality, to different families with different circumstances. Adam reminds me of the happy-go-lucky young girl I was once. I’ve suffered my blows, but Adam continues to bring me out of any depths that may tempt me to wallow. He needs me. He thrives on my happiness. For now I am taking heed of the oxygen-mask analogy. I’m taking good care (finally) of myself. I am losing the weight of the world that I chose to once carry. I am lightening up in every sense.
Here is Adam today as “Super Boy,” going to camp.
Adam, you are indeed super. You are my hero.
ESTÉE KLAR
TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA
Writer/Curator/Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project. Lecturer on autism & the media, and parenting. Graduate student Critical Disability Studies, York University. I like to write about our journey, musings, attitudes towards autism.
Um? So what are you saying? It’s a very good read, go read it? Or I am reading this and I’ll let you know what I think when I get to the end of it? Or…..Adam’s doing great, here he is!
Cheers
he really is sucah a super kid
WHo would not love this child with this smile
Sure, go read it… and I’ll let you know when I’m finished reading it! :)
Hi Estee. So glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself so you are that much better for Adam. I think his success directly correlates to your perspective on life. I, too, have noted that Benjamin feeds off my emotions, and vice versa, just as my NT daughter and I seem to affect one another’s moods and attitudes. The better I am doing , the better my children seem to cope, as well. Success is fragile in that one’s perception of success depends on what notion of success that individual embraces. Parenting is such an awesome responsibility. I do love that Benjamin has challenged my every preconceived notion of success and encouraged me to broaden my perspective as to the nature of true happiness and success in this life we navigate together.
I kinda of see it that way too; enjoying and appreciating life on a day to day basis. Thinking about what is best and then trying to do your best. We always learn and it’s very exciting.
Helen