Estée KlarThe Joy of Autism

I will be writing much more on this topic in the weeks to come — from the added responsibility of mothers of disabled children, never mind the challenges on the resources of single mothers. Not only is there the stigma of divorce to contend with, or the cancer I had this year, but also living in an abelist world. Families of disabled children face constant stigma and marginalization. 

Pack it all in to year 2008 for me and I’ll tell you I’ve had a lot to bear. No friend of a typical child will understand the densely packed isolation that parents like me can feel. Thankfully, I’ve nurtured close friendships, but as a writer, I feel the need to articulate yet another injustice that hits many of us squarely in the face. If I don’t talk about it, it’s like writing with the big white elephant in the room.

I am doing research on the hidden oppression of mothers of disabled children in not only a male-dominated society where despite a women’s rights movement, still divides labour in traditional ways, but as mothers of children who must virtually give up all of their time to advocate for their children day in and day out for no compensation. The bulk of caring in general is the responsibility of the mother and the amount of work and dedication required to raise a disabled child leaves little left in the name of our human and other resources.

As I’ve always said, Adam is my greatest joy. I would not replace him for anyone in the world. Yet, I encounter so many barriers to living full and peaceful lives with autism. Sometimes we live proudly because many of us do not want us to do so. They want us to complain in order to get rid of autism and autistic people. We will not do that.

Other times, we live joyfully, because if you look at our faces and videos, we just don’t care what others think, and we really do have a nice time together. Yet we must discuss social inequities. It stands not only for disabled people, but also for the people who care for them and stand alongside them, as I do with Adam. In keeping with the incredible power and strength that Adam has gifted me with, I found these inspirations today before my other essays come on the real costs.  Estee and Adam celebrate no matter what comes our way. It comes from Single Mothers Disabled News:

Editorial: Ten Commandments of Single Parenting

by Leilani

Thou Shall:

    I. Give thyself credit for being a worthy, important, competent person.

    II. Congratulate thyself for making the best decisions you could under very difficult, stressful conditions.

    III. Compliment thyself for trying hard to overcome great hurdles placed in your path.

    IV. Bless thy children for the challenges they present so you will grow stronger and even more competent.

    V. Bless thy children for the moments of unadulterated joy they will sprinkle in thy life and for loving you undconditionally.

    VI. Open thyself to new, rewarding adult relationships, because to devote all thy energies and time to your children is unhealthy for both them and you.

    VII. Look toward new and increased responsibilities as an opportunity to include thy children in family planning and tasks so you can watch them become more mature and more capable.

    VIII. Offer thyself for some neighborhood and/or community efforts because it will help you grow and more importantly will be an important model for your children to follow.

    IX. Always remember that harsh, sharp words huled at thy ex-partner in anger are like painful barbs that, more often than not, wound and sear the innocent children more deeply and for a longer time than they do the one for who they are intended.

    X. Look into the mirror at least once a day and say to that inportant, competent, relevant person looking back, “I am okay, I can do it.”

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