Estée KlarThe Joy of Autism

This is for those of you who “get” why women like me relate to Diane Lane in Under The Tuscan Sun.  She is one of my favourite actresses – same age, same endearing quirkiness and shyness, I think. In the movie, she is a writer. I am a writer.  Her husband leaves her, she is left for a year or so, sort of stuck in life and unable to write, until her gay friend who is pregnant says, “You are at a crossroads. You are at risk at becoming one of those depressed people forever.” The friend gives her her ticket to a tour of Tuscany “Gay and Away” because Diane (Frances is her character´s name) simply isn´t ready to meet any men or, perhaps, be badgered by the threat of being happy, or does not want to give away pieces of herself after being so hurt. Being with gay people is some sort of promise that she will be able to have fun without the pressure. It reminds me of the recent Globe and Mail article (written about two months ago), called The Unsung Heroes of Divorce, where Jennifer Aniston explains how her brief relationship with Vince Vaughn literally “breathed the life back into her” after Brad Pitt left her for Angelina.  For Frances in Under The Tuscan Sun, it was she who decided to breathe the life back into her SELF. Perhaps that´s why I like her character so much.

For those of you who know the story I´ll make this short. She goes to Tuscany and looks for signs. You see, like me at a time where my feet are still floating and not yet planted on the ground anywhere in particular yet, you look for signs, you think a lot, you dream a lot of where you want to be. It´s an important process.

Diane´s character buys a house in Tuscany and is totally unsure of what she is doing except that she knows she has to do it, until she breaks down in tears to the hunky Italian, and overly-friendly real-estate agent, “I don´t know what I´m doing here! I have a home for a family I do not have!”

“Then why did you do it?  He asks so sweetly, you can imagine how Frances could have melted away in him.

“I want a wedding in this house,” she says with weepy, doe-eyes. “I want a family in this house.”

“Senora, there is a story that in the Alps, they built train tracks before they knew a train that could make the trip.”

As it has now entered 2009, this post is about building before seeing; before knowing. Life is hard. We all have our different versions of “hard” and we are not alone.

Yesterday, I had a sign here under the Mayan sun. I inadvertantly placed myself on a lounge chair and overheard a story of another single mom telling someone how difficult it is to raise a child alone and how she does everything for her daughter. She was saying how “hard” it was and then I was thinking of other moms I know who can´t leave the hospital because of their child´s terminal illness; or the other parents I know who is dealing with different severities of disability and also trying to navigate a world full of barriers and ignorance. I have an autistic child, and sometimes yes, it´s “hard.” I, like many of you, wonder if I’ll be looking after Adam for the rest of my life.

Our difficulties are all relative, you see. We must have compassion for everyone, all views, because as long as they don´t harm other people and enable them to live full lives without barriers, there are grains of truth in all of our stories. The point is we really do have to work hard to end ignorance. This is a big difficulty.

My blog will take a new turn this year only because this is the kind of writer I am. I will be writing this year as a single parent of an autistic child.  I will also build those train tracks before there is a train that can make the journey.  This is what life is, you see. If we don´t have these struggles, we can never know true love, or real happiness. All that comes when we accept what comes our way and find contentment within ourselves.

So I am building without knowing. Diane´s character, “Frances” had all her wishes granted. She built the house and had a wedding, even though it was not her wedding but the wedding of the family she creates with her new Italian and Polish friends. She also created a family who live in her beautiful house, even though it was with her gay friend and the baby she ended up helping to raise.

Finally, when all of her wishes were granted, a miracle happened. Remember? At the end of the movie, she looks content. She still has no one in her life, but she is nevertheless happy. She lies on the lounge chair with her glass of wine and shuts her eyes, you just know, giving thanks to the life she has created…until a rather nice looking writer-man picks a ladybug from her sleeve. Ah…the train comes.

We just cannot be ready unless we go through the “hard” and build those tracks.

What do you want to build in 2009?

• Digg this post
• Recommend on Facebook
• share via Reddit
• Tweet about it